ANGELS WOULD FALL

There was something about the man when he was all dressed in black, the white collar around his neck a powerful symbol of his commitment to the church. It was so attractive, that passion he had for the work of the Lord. It was that same commitment which had ultimately saved her life. And now all Marlena could think about was loving him again, being *in love* with him again. It was unsettling to be around him but she couldn't get enough of his strong masculine presence. In spite of his words, John seemed so uncertain now, about himself, about his future, and she wanted to know if part of it was because of how he felt towards her.

"John, there's something else about this that's bothering you, isn't there?" she asked, watching him closely.

The rope that's wrapped around me

Is cutting through my skin....

"What makes you say that, Doc?" he asked, shifting somewhat nervously in his chair, and tugging at the collar of his shirt. Sometimes, it seemed like she could see right through him, and it was as unnerving as it was enticing.

"I don't know, it's just something I hear in your voice I guess. What's going on?"

"I'm not sure."

"Not sure about what, John?"

And the doubts that have surrounded me

Are finding their way in.....

"Well, about where to go from here. I almost lost you, Doc. I thought I had for awhile, and I felt like my life was over, like there was nothing left for me... without you."

Her heart started to beat faster, in anticipation of what he might say next. "Oh, John.... I'm so sorry you went through all of that."

His first response was a self conscious smile, and a shrug of his well sculpted shoulders. 'The sexiest priest in North America,' she mused, losing herself in the blues of his eyes.

Increasingly uncomfortable with his own vulnerability, John rose from the chair in front of her desk and started to move about the office. "It's okay. I'm fine now that you're alright, but it means something--something important. I'm just not sure what." He was looking down at his feet when he said it, rather than meeting her penetrating gaze.

It was so obvious she wanted to shout it out loud. 'Oh my God, it's true! He *loves* me! That's what this is all about. He was grieving so powerfully because he's still in love with me, and my death meant he could never tell me that. Oh, my god!' It was all she could do not to blurt out the fact that she felt the same way. She knew he wasn't ready to admit that to himself, let alone say it to her in this moment.

I keep it close to me

Like a holy man prays.......

It took every ounce of professionalism she owned to hide her reaction and be the sounding board he needed. "Well, what's your first thought about it, your gut level reaction?" she asked, fighting off the internal trembling.

In my desperate hour

It's better that way.....

His smile told her everything she needed to know. He was embarrassed because he knew where she was going and it was where he wanted to go too. But then there was that white collar, now held in his hands, to remind him of his commitment to the church. "I, uh... well, I realized just how much you meant to me.... how much a part of my life you've become. You're so important to me, Doc."

"And you're so important to me. You've been such a good..." They looked at each other and then quickly glanced away.

"Friend," he said, finishing the thought. "That's what you were going to say, right?" he added, searching her amber eyes for the answer he hoped to find there.

"Right, a very special friend," she replied, wishing he would correct her.

John nodded and turned away from her. There it was. She'd said it again. They were friends, nothing more. "Well, I uh, guess I'd better be going on home to Brady, I'm sure you have some real patients to see."

She came out from behind the desk. "Oh, okay... well, don't be a stranger, John. Just because I'm returning to work and moving back to the Penthouse doesn't mean we can't get together often."

So, I'll come by and see you again......

"Yea, I know. I'll uh, I'll help you with the move tonight, then?" he said, lingering in the frame of the door to her office.

"Sure, I'll call you when I'm getting ready to head out of here, how's that?"

"Fine, that'll be just fine. Maybe we can.. have a pizza afterward."

"A pizza, yes, I'd really like that, John."

I'll be such a very good friend.......

And that was it. He walked out and shut the door, leaving her alone with her impure thoughts. Thoughts of the two of them, making love atop a bearskin rug in some secluded cabin in the woods.

Have mercy on my soul

I will never let you know

Where my mind has been.......

John leaned against the wall outside her office, suddenly weary from the effort of pretending not to love her with every ounce of himself. "Oh, Doc.... how am I going to do this, just go back to the church as if nothing happened?"

Angels never came down

There's no one here they want to hang around.......

Rather than go to St. Luke's to pray about it, he decided to make his way to his old stomping grounds, the pier. It had been his place of quiet contemplation long before he ever knew about his years in the Priesthood. There was something about the smell of the air, and the cool mist that settled in during the late afternoon, and the sound of the fog horns in the distance.

Shuffling back and forth along the old wooden planks, he remembered how she looked when the demon left her, how weak and vulnerable, in need of his sheltering arms, how welcoming of his protection. And how beautiful--she was always that. Hers was an ageless, timeless beauty.

But if they knew

If they knew you at all

Then one by one the angels

Angels would fall.........

Looking around him, his eyes landed on something that vividly painted the contrast between the life he'd been living for the past six months and the life he'd led before that. He saw the vagrants and the guys who were falling down drunk coming out of the Cheatin' Heart, a bar just across the way. He'd spent more than one or two lonely nights in the dive, drowning his sorrows, wishing for a different life, wishing he hadn't had to lose so much of what was important to him. But the church had ultimately given him a purpose, a focus outside of himself, other than a woman, which seemed to come as naturally as breathing. It made him smile inside. In spite of all his grumbling and vociferous protests that it wasn't for him, he'd actually grown from the experience. John Black was definitely a changed man. 'But what does it mean? Where am I supposed to go from here?'

I've crept into your temple

I have slept upon your pew.......

How could she feel this way, want him so much? He was a Priest now, a committed one who had just saved her soul from the evil clutches of the devil himself. How could she jeopardize his faith to satisfy her earthly desires?

I have dreamed of the divinity

Inside and out of you.....

She shuddered at the images that came to mind, images of undressing him, slowly removing that little white collar, unbuttoning his black shirt, then slipping her arms around his sexy body, pressing herself against him. She imagined the change in his breathing, and the slight pressure of his response to her touch. And what it would be like to take off his pants and lead him into bed. "Oh, John... how I love you and I want you so..."

I want it more than the truth

I can taste it on my breath.....

John remembered what Kristen had said to him, that if he'd made love to Marlena while she was possessed, he would have lost his soul and hers too. He couldn't recall when he'd ever wanted anyone or anything as much as he wanted her in those moments on Smith Island. His entire being was immersed in his desire to make love to her, and it was so like their intense encounter on the plane. He would have given anything to have her like that again, anything, even if it meant risking his soul.

I would give my life for just a little..

A little death

He yelled at himself out loud, "Stop it, John... what are you thinking? She doesn't love you, not like that! She thinks of you as a friend, a very good friend. Nothing less, nothing more."

So, I'll come by and see you again

And I'll be just a very good friend.....

Shuffling through her desk drawers for something to do, Marlena found a wallet sized photograph she still had of the two of them when they were together as man and wife, and another of him in his black robe. He even looked sexy in that, she thought to herself. "Marlena... what is *wrong* with you? He's a Priest now, he's married to the Catholic Church and you better learn to accept it."

I will not look upon your face

I will not touch upon your grace

Your ecclesiastic skin.....

When he was chilled to the bone, he headed on home to the Loft, changed into an old beat up pair of sweats and settled onto the couch with a book he'd been trying to read lately, a new one by Robert Ludlum.

Angels never came down

There's no one here they want to hang around....

Unable to concentrate, he gave it up, his eyes landing on a photograph he'd clutched to his chest in agony, believing his Doc was gone forever. John stood up and retrieved it from the place he'd left it, on the sill of the window. God, she was gorgeous, almost unearthly so. But her beauty wasn't only on the surface, it went way down deep, part of the very fabric of her being. A beautiful soul. He remembered the intensity of his feelings when he'd returned to the loft on that fateful night just a few weeks ago. "Oh, Doc... when I thought you were dead, I didn't think that I could go on living without you."

But if they knew

If they knew you at all

Then one by one the angels

Angels would fall......

Roaming the space of her office at the hospital, having seen her last patient for the day, Marlena couldn't keep her mind on anything else but the man she loved. She found herself wondering what he was doing, if he was thinking of her as well. It was almost time to call him about the move and she worried she would let her feelings show too much. She pondered how she could learn to hide those emotions again, now that she'd finally rediscovered them.

Just then, there was a loud knock at her door, and she jumped at the sound. In burst Mike, Laura, Maggie, Carrie, and Austin, "Hi Marlena... we've come to help you move. We heard John mention it earlier when he was talking to Brady's sitter and we're going to help!" said Maggie with much enthusiasm.

Marlena managed a pasted on version of a pleasantly surprised smile and said, "Oh my, well thank you."

"No thanks necessary, we just thought we'd help make it a lot quicker job for you by helping out. We can order some pizza afterward, if that's alright with you," offered Carrie hopefully, thinking of how much fun it would be to spend time with two of her favorite people.

"Pizza," Marlena repeated quietly, wishing she would be sharing a private meal with John, rather than a room full of friends and family. "Yes, sure, that would be fine."

"I'm sure John won't mind," said Maggie, completely oblivious to the slightly hidden sadness in Marlena's eyes.

"No, I'm sure he won't," she agreed, wondering if that were true. If they had time alone, maybe he would tell her how he really felt, or perhaps she would. Then again, maybe they would always be friends and nothing more, maybe the time for love and romance had passed them by.

I'll come by and see you again

And I'll have to be a very good friend.....

Her calm, cool, and collected facade collapsed in the moment he opened the door of his Loft wearing a pair of snugly fitting black jeans and a royal blue mock turtleneck, a pair of black cowboy boots completing the ensemble. He smiled warmly, his brilliant blue eyes shining, and she melted inside, sighing. For a split second she considered leaving, but he stopped her with a look that almost made her believe he knew what she was thinking.

If I whisper they will know

I'll just turn around and go.......

Maggie was right, with the group of them, the packing and moving didn't take long, not more than an hour or two and she was all moved in to the penthouse again, the alarm system armed and ready to go. The pizza was ordered and delivered inside of three hours and they sat down to eat it, silence settling in as the hungry bunch started munching.

Marlena looked over at John, who wasn't eating much more than she was. He felt her gaze rest upon him and raised his eyes to meet hers. Somehow, the two of them conveyed a message of love and desire without ever saying a word, and then feeling some hint of shame, swiftly glanced away again.

You will never know my sin......

Carrie happened to be watching them at the time and suddenly realized what it was about Marlena that seemed a little off earlier. She had wanted some time alone with John, but was too polite to say anything to the overbearing gang. Clearing her throat, Carrie said, "You know, it's uh... it's getting pretty late, I think maybe we better go so Marlena can get some rest. She's been through a lot."

Feeling bad that he hadn't been the one to mention it, Mike agreed wholeheartedly, "Yes, yes of course, Carrie's right. Marlena is still recuperating and needs extra sleep right now."

They all stood up to go, wishing her well and telling her once again how glad they all were to have her back again. She thanked them all with graciousness and ushered everyone out the door, everyone except for John, who was standing over near the terrace, quiet as could be. Besides Carrie, who winked at Marlena as she exited, the others never even noticed that he hadn't left with them.

When she came toward him, John turned around to face her, gazing at her in adoration a loving smile curling his lips in a way she found quite alluring.

"What is it, John...." she asked, nervously.

"Doc, I have something to tell you. Now it might come as a shock, but I feel I have to be honest with you."

"Yes, John... " She swallowed hard, afraid to hope.

"Marlena, I figured it out tonight, I know what it all means now and I know what I want for my future."

"You do.... what do you want then, what are your plans?"

"Not what, Doc... It's who....and the who in my life is you, it's always been you. The truth is, I love you, Marlena Evans, with every part of my heart and soul, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

She practically leaped into his slightly outstretched arms, an overwhelming sense joy coursing through her entire body. "Oh, John... this is my every dream, and wish, and prayer come true. I love you too, John Black. I love you so!"

He held her close as he wiped tears from her cheeks and thought of the words to a compelling song he'd heard earlier in the evening, thinking that where Marlena was concerned it was pretty much true to the mark.

Angels never came down

There's no one here they want to hang around

But if they knew

If they knew you at all

Then one by one the angels

Angels would fall

Angels would fall......